♥ Friday, February 17, 2006


9:33:00 PM Y


Post title : PatHetiC

♥ I don't know if i did the right thing

PatHetiC
~Story~Dear Diary, While regarding Standy's thing, I hab to make amendment to my words, I m onli stressed when i m wif Standy alone. And to tat, it is totally, a misunderstanding, actually, she was angry so she throw the staple bullet and pencil lid in front but accidentally drop behind my chairs...well, I chose to accept although.....^^ and of cos, i hope this INCIDENT wouldn't happen again.~*~ to be continued...
Well, everybody will come across depression in their lifes...including mi. I m totally in depression now...and worst of all, my headache nv seems to be alright...Zzz still painx and painx and painx...so sux, the feeling.
Ytd, is thursday...if i m nt wrong...and yep...ytd i totally break down...hahax really too stressed le. After P.E, I was totally...feeling down...although i seems okie...hmmmx maybe my acting very good. Den I shld go for the don noe wad actor competition den become actress den, ah huh~, my friend can freely SPY on mi, cos i m an actress le >.< ....fat hope...tat wouldn't ever happened in my life...lolx crap again. Yea, whr did I stop...oh yar, after recess is Art lesson...and totally no mood to draw, shade or do toning....ppl in depression can't do thing well...my as well don do. So I ask my friend Jermin if she wanted to go out and draw..actually is jux to relax myself...the atmosphere in the art room is suffocating...den we go to the staircase there...and started to hab a talk...i burst out...really, ytd was the time, i cried until so jia lat de...I nv cry until like tat b4..really is beta to cry out...although crying don help much...but at least...can soothe me a little...well, u will asked, why i cried? The reason is simple...I cried for mani reason...and the reason is simple.
1) Too stress, headache,
2) Suddenly felt pathetic abt myself, being a failure in life..always got betrayed..but wad can i do? lolx
3) Quarrel with my mum and bro last last nitex...and my bro and I hab a violent fite...We nv hab such a violent fite b4...in my life...in my 17 years life.
4) Hate, hate the God for being so unfair.
5) Hate the "fake" ppl.
Well, do a person hab a feeling of sorrow wen their heart is dead? I suddenly hab the feeling tat, is beta to hab a heart dead, at least I wont be so suffering now...so wad if i could enjoy the happiness?....the happiness is jux FAKE!
Ytd, b4 I went to watch the movie, I went hme from skool, totally a cold war btw my mum and I..den my dad gave mi $10 although i said I hab money le. Went to watch "I NOT STUPID TOO" wif Pris...hahax, I cried again..over tat movie =.=" lame sia...lolx ytd is a crying day for mi...i think. B4 tat, I donated $10...to a charity..I oso don noe wad issit..but at least I m fortunate den the ppl who ar suffering..and suddenly I found myself happier...an undescribable feeling...after I donate the money...jux felt tat, doin a good deed is the most happiest thing in my life...hmmx...not bad. After watching the movie...I suddenly hab a strong feeling..an urge to go hme...and tell my father to "drive carefully, bye bye" well my father is a taxi driver. Suddenly had a strong feeling...tat, we as a children would onli noe how to cherish our parent wen they are not around anymore...or some children think...their parent don give a hack care abt them...actually parents do care...is jux tat, some parent don noe how to express themselves..tat's all.
Today still a cold war btw mi and my bro..I don even gib a hack abt him...beat mi until blue black, WTH....painx sia. FREAK >.
Well...mani things happened....my friend keep telling mi, forgive and forget, forgive and forget....well as reader can see, in my previous blog....did I NOT EVER FORGIVE AND FORGET? NO! And maybe bcos i forgive and forget..tat's why I m in this situation now. Selfish...most ppl are selfish...tis is a fact, an actual fact, well whu wouldn't think of themselves b4 thinking abt other. And i totally a DUMBASS to actually...thinking forgive, forget will solved the problem...but is this true? Wad did I get after I forgive and forget? Betrayed again. So wad 4? Wad for to forgive, wad for to forget? Ppl can jux easily say Forgive and Forget, but it is hard to do tat...do anyone noes? Some ppl, don really understand my situation and can crap so mani rubbish...for wad. I recommend u to jux saved ur saliva, beta. Well, I m not a person who hold hatred for long, and I don give a hack on remembering wad thing you had done to hurt mi...but is jux tat, I can't control..but the things that happened keep appearing in my mind, which i wouldn't wan to, you think is fun to remember all the pain? I jux wan a clearer mind...is tat so difficult? It's a scar...in my heart. I can't erase it away. Well, some ppl may say, haiyo u don care her lor, u r jux too sensitive, well, they don really get wad I mean. Do u think I really wan to care, I jux wan to make thing clear and don wan to make thing worst.
Revenge..is tat really important...y do some ppl jux like to revenge. Revenge is jux showing, U R CHILDISH! tat's all...well...I really wan to say...in this world..it seems like I hab a lot of friends...but it seems like none really understand and know the real mi....so pathetic..sometimes looking at other group of friend...they jux noe each other well...y there isn't a friend tat know AT LEAST a bit of mi? y?